people may think that i use this blog to complain a lot (i’m not complaining….i’m venting. there’s an obvious difference). but, i am here tonight to write about something good. something awesome, in fact.
a while back, while i was still pregnant with joel, i wrote a whiny post after a shopping trip, lamenting how was i ever going to shop with two kids? and blah, blah, blah (just goes to show you how life is constantly shattering itself and we are always so quick to try to tame it down under a glass container, much of the time, only able to understand it in our current context). things are so different now (life, me, ruth) that i see that former self as an allegory of the cave, trying to guess at three dimensional life while viewing only two dimensional shadows on a wall (thank you, tenth grade english. that story has stuck with me thus far in life and i imagine, always will), muddling about, so confused and silly. compared to that version of myself, i am a fully transformed butterfly to my former caterpillar.
what the hell am i saying? i’m getting to some deep pabst beer philosophy right here. damn, but i can get going.
yesterday, we went to kroger in the evening, is what i’m sayin’. and grabbed up one of those grocery carts with the car on the front. i mean….! whoever invented those things is a goddamn genius right there. when ruth was younger, they didn’t hold much appeal and she would just jump out so not only did i have a loose toddler in the store, but i had to push around a giant cumbersome stretch limo of a basket to boot. but yesterday….
have i mentioned joel loves steering wheels? ruth may not care about the car. but joel did. and ruth cared about being in there with him. that was fun. and so, there was joel, holding the steering wheel with one hand and the other up to his mouth sucking his thumb. and there was ruth, one arm around her brother’s shoulders, talking a blue streak. and there was me. shopping. like i had no kids with me, they were so contained and contented, they might not even have been there. how peaceful. but better than peaceful. also, freakin’ adorable and heart warming in a way nothing else in life is: seeing your two kids having a moment together. so…i literally bought my cake and ate it, too.
in parenthood, there are moments when you not only don’t get your cake, someone takes it and throws it in your face, all over the floor, and you have to clean it up while your two kids are screaming for various reasons. but, then, there are those moments when the stars align and everything goes right…so right it’s surreal. and the most potent joy you can find on this tiny earth in this short life.
that’s parenthood in a nutshell.