its something greg and i share. he, with ruth, reading books, until she is snoozing soundly. me, with joel, until he’s rolled himself all over the mattress and dropped off to baby lala land. we each drag ourselves out of our respective rooms, collapse at the dining room table and share that greatest of sighs. another day done. all the chaos finally ceasing, the house settling around us, easing back into its foundation heavily, also exhausted, the echoes of the footfalls, laughter, yells and talking finally fading. we look at each other and know. we. made. it. just barely and maybe not in good form, perhaps not with all of our humanity intact, but we look at each other with forgiveness. not speaking. each of us having seen the worst of the other in the day. we know. we weren’t perfect. we weren’t even good or decent some of the time. but tomorrow we’ll try again. we’ll always try again.
and through all of the responsibility, i should say burden, how it feels sometimes, and all of the tending to tiny details of our kids existence all day long, from clothing and diapers to food and playing and constantly keeping our eyes on them to be sure they are safe, we share something else. something beneath the weight of the caring and fussing and emotional up and downs. love. of the richest sort. that infuses us with a calming intoxication, a glowing tranquility beneath it all that is finally free to rise up within us, when all is quiet. we share that too. and a profound appreciation for our beautiful family that is truly ours and ours alone.
the end of day sigh says much and is to be fully understood by we who release it together and look into each others face and know how life is good. tough and messy and hard and confusing. but so good.