does hearing your somewhat perfect young couple neighbors fighting on their way into the door from the car make you feel a little warm and fuzzy? i know, i know. i’m petty. all this when i’m supposed to be having good will toward men and also not basing my judgement of my own life off of how people are living theirs, but i can’t help it. it brings warmth to my heart, lightens my heaviness a little, to know that other people, people who dress well, even and have well kempt houses are having a hard time. i mean, i know this, but it is good to witness, because so much of our lives is trying to make it all look perfect and effortless, isn’t it?
i mean, look at facebook. status update: “happy five hundred and thirty fourth month anniversary to the love of my life! you are the best thing that has ever happened to me and i can’t wait to see where the next few thousand months lead us! i love you, baby!” i mean, i don’t wanna read that shit while the argument greg and i had over misplaced keys this morning is still ringing in my ears. who wants to read that shit? nobody. or: “here’s me and my perfect family all posing for a picture while we were on vacation last week in Barbados! the kids had a great time! they loved it! i can’t wait to go back next week!” ok, i’m exaggerating, but you know how it is. going on facebook sometimes takes a lot of gumption. i mean, you’re about to see all the best parts of everyone else’s lives around you. which is good some of the time. but that leaves so much of the picture out. and the rest is important, too.
that’s why i like to keeps it real to some extent. that’s why i don’t mind telling you that my life is a lot of joy, countered by a lot more confusion and anxiety and anger, pretty much my default emotion. i want you to know that my house looks condemned and looted, that i haven’t washed my hair since saturday, and that i love my kids dearly, but i often have to suppress the urge to do them bodily harm. that every day, i feel like i just. barely. make it. that i have a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning to start another whirlwind day. and that greg and i, though we have the best intentions, often lose our patience with each other. and we argue. about the dumbest shit ever.
so there. that’s my facebook status update for you.
don’t think i’m bitter (though i am sometimes) and that i don’t appreciate what i have (i try to, so hard). i just like the truth. real life. wherever i can find it, and i respect whoever tells it.
maybe to feel more connected, we should stop trying to get the perfect angle on our selfies so we look ten pounds lighter. maybe we should let the face sag show. and the cellulite. maybe we should start telling it a little more like it is. don’t you think?