in the past, ruth has asked where we go when we die, what happens to us. and i tell her the truth: nobody knows.
most of me thinks that nothing happens to us except that we decompose and become food for worms. the other part wonders and if it had a wish, it might wish that when i die, i would get to re-live every moment of my life with perfect perspective and understanding and clarity.
so, that would take as long as my actual life, however long that ends up being, and then i would like…i dunno, another year? a year to just sit and think and digest it all before continuing on with my journey. some place with woods and a path to walk, because i do all my best thinking when i’m walking, a river or a lake, and a couple benches. it would be early fall (morning with thick sweaters), the best time of year (and day) for contemplation. and everyone knows the best thinking clothes are sweaters, am i right? then, once i had done all that and was satisfied, i could put my current life behind me and move on.
what comes next i won’t even venture to begin to try and wish, being steeped in my life and not knowing what being able to re-live it and then consider it would render me as. then maybe you’re done and you can just put your feet up and watch everyone else scamper about down below. or maybe you will have more to do or learn and you’ll go back again. reincarnate. who can say?
i certainly can’t. but it’s a nice thought if we all truly were on a spiritual mission, so to speak, whether we were aware of it or not, and that getting battered and torn up down here? well, it’s all staged. just a play, really, compared to the nature of our true selves. in meditation, you learn about the “self beyond the self”, or who we are even below the level of our thoughts, our soul if you like. and we’re just here to learn something. to grow. some of us might learn our lessons in life, and others might only be able to learn them in death. but maybe death isn’t as sad as we think. maybe it’s just like taking a plunge into a cool dark pool after a long sweaty work day.
it might be. some people think so. me, i dunno. but it’s a nice thought.